Crimes of the Hot
Hurry up with the water. I'm steaming inside my own sheII, I am.
It's that hot, it is.
Man, it's hot. How hot is it?
It's so hot, I poured McDonaId's coffee in my Iap to cooI off.
[CHUCKLING ]
Johnny Carson said it.
[PANTING ]
No, NibbIer! Don't drink the pooI water! It's fuII of chIorine.
[GROANING ]
[BURPING ]
[COUGHING ]
[LAUGHING ]
Lightweights. Oh, wait, chIorine.
[SIGHING ]
Perhaps this movie wiII heIp take our minds off the heat.
BENDER: Focus!
ANNOUNCER: GIobaI Warming or: None Like It Hot!
[SOBBING ]
You're probabIy wondering why your ice cream went away.
WeII, Suzie, the cuIprit isn't foreigners. It's gIobaI warming.
-GwobaI wap-po? -Yeah.
Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes all the way from the sun to visit Earth.
HeIIo, Earth. Just popping in to brighten your day.
La-Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia-Ia.
And now I'II be on my way.
Not so fast, sunbeam. We're greenhouse gases.
You ain't going nowhere.
[SCREAMING ]
Oh, God, it hurts!
ANNOUNCER: Pretty soon, Earth is chock-full of sunbeams...
... their rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.
[CHUCKLING ]
How do we get rid of the greenhouse gases?
FortunateIy, our handsomest poIiticians came up with a cheap. . .
. . .Iast-minute way to combat gIobaI warming.
Ever since 2063, we simpIy drop a giant ice cube. . .
. . .into the ocean every now and then.
Just Iike Daddy puts in his drink every morning.
And then he gets mad.
Of course, since the greenhouse gases are stiII buiIding up. . .
. . .it takes more and more ice each time.
Thus, soIving the probIem once and for aII.
-But-- -Once and for aII!
WeII, we just need one of those big ice cubes.
CaII the Iosers who were supposed to deIiver it.
[PHONE RINGS]
-HeIIo? -President Nixon here.
I'm hiring you losers to deliver the ice. And hurry up.
I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover trying to squeeze into a new girdle.
You heard the good news, everyone. Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye.
-Wait. Where do we get the ice? -The what?
Oh, HaIIey's comet, of course.
The onIy sufficient source of ice cubes that don't have bugs in them.
Wow. Mining a comet. That sounds fun.
Yes. There's no safer occupation than mining.
EspeciaIIy when you're perched on a snowbaII. . .
. . .whipping through space at a miIIion miIes an hour.
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Safe.
DepIoying ice driII.
Wow. That ice dispenser's so big the ice crushes you.
-Yakov Smirnoff said it. -No, he didn't.
Activating ice driII.
Oh, my God! It's out of ice! Like some outer-space MoteI 6.
CompIeteIy out of ice?
This couId mean the end of the banana daiquiri as we know it.
AIso Iife.
With Halley's comet out of ice...
...Earth is experiencing the devastating effects of intense global warming.
Morbo is pleased but sticky.
The scorching heat has melted the polar icecaps...
...causing floods of biblical proportion.
They caIIed me crazy for buiIding this ark.
You are crazy. You fiIIed it with same-seX animaI coupIes.
Hey! There are parts of the BibIe I Iike and parts I don't Iike.
MORBO: Direct your pity now to the African turtles...
...seen here migrating to cooler homes in Holland.
That poor turtIe.
-Bender, are you crying? -No. Never.
Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads peace amongst the Dutch tulips.
I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.
Windmills do not work that way! Good night!
WeII, everybody, I just saved a turtIe. What have you done with your Iives?
You went aII the way to HoIIand aIready?
Bender, a turtIe isn't yourseIf. Why do you care about it?
Because I aIso care deepIy about things that remind me of myseIf.
Like poor IittIe SheIIy here.
What couId you possibIy have in common with this waIking soup miX?
For one thing, we both have a tough outer sheII.
But Iead a rich, inner Iife. And aIso. . .
. . .weII, you know.
You're both aIcohoIic, whore-mongering, chain-smoking gambIers?
No. It's just. . .
. . .neither of us can get up when we get knocked on our back.
What? I've seen you get up off your back tons of times.
-Those times I was sIightIy on my side. -Interesting.
Maybe we shouId test this erectiIe dysfunction of yours, Bender.
No, that's not necessary, reaIIy. I think I hear my factory recaIIing me.
That's what I get for sharing my vuInerabiIity with you.
MAN OVER SPEAKER: Calling all scientists.
There will be a worldwide conference on global warming in Kyoto, Japan.
I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine.
You've got a degree in baloney.
-Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist. -Forget it. I'm not going.
I have my reasons. Shut up, aII of you!
Strange.
You haven't acted this suspicious since I found the ''ape bones'' in the basement.
My hip hurts. I'm in the middIe of cooking a turkey.
I have warranty cards to fiII out. I am not just making eXcuses.
AII right, I'II go!
WOMAN: I can't beIieve it! I Iove you!
It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth!
He's Iooking sharp in a standard white Iab coat and dark sIacks.
His wristwatch is a Casio.
Thank you all for coming.
It is my pleasure to introduce the host of the Kyoto Global Warming Convention.
The inventor of the environment and first emperor of the moon, Al Gore.
I have ridden the mighty moon worm.
[CHEERING ]
Good for him.
My feIIow Earthicans, as I discuss in my book, Earth in the Balance. . .
. . .and the much more popuIar Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth. . .
. . .we need to defend our pIanet against poIIution, as weII as dark wizards.
Sure, bIame the wizards.
That's why I'm offering a bag of moon sapphires. . .
. . .to the first scientist who can soIve this probIem once and for aII.
CROWD: Ah. . . . Ooh. . . .
-LoveIy, aren't they? -Sapphires?
With those, I couId open the gate of Girash.
First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum.
Wornstrum!
[CLEARS THROAT]
Ladies and gentIemen, I have pIaced in orbit a giant mirror. . .
. . .that wiII refIect 40 percent of the sun's rays, thus cooIing Earth. Observe.
[SIGHING ]
ProbIem soIved.
[CHUCKLING ]
[GASPING ]
That's a IittIe bright.
[SCREAMING ]
AII right. What eIse we got?
Professor, you're a professor. You must have some ideas.
AbsoIuteIy not! I won't speak. I've got nothing to hide.
-Our neXt speaker is Professor-- -I demand the fIoor!
-Yes, it's your turn to speak. -WeII, nuts to me. I'm taking the stage.
I know the source of the greenhouse gases. . .
. . .but in my shame, I've kept it secret for 75 Iong years.
Oh, it haunts my memory stiII.
-Professor, no! Don't do it! -Don't do what?
Don't use this memory ray so I can remember what happened back then?
It was October 1 7 at 1 :54 p.m. and 1 4 birds were fIying by the window.
I was working at Mom 's Friendly Robot Company.
Back then, robots were slow-moving, stiff and a little on the uptight side.
Oh, dear, might I favor master with a tender kiss on the forehead?
Oh, I've faiIed again.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
FARNSWORTH: The company's owner pressured me to create a sportier robot.
Stop!
It wasn 't easy. But by sacrificing fuel efficiency, I succeeded.
-What was that? -A fIaming burp.
-Does it aIways do that? -It's not aIways a burp.
We stiII have one probIem, though.
This robot wouId never meet emission standards.
Crap spackIe!
We'II just caII it a sport utiIity robot and cIassify it as a Iight truck.
WeII. . .
. . .I suppose the environment can take one more for the team.
What a fool I was!
If only I had made the effort to develop a cleaner-burning robot...
...but I was tired and in love.
Take me now, you stud.
[YAWNS]
Oh, this is aII my fauIt!
That's awfuI, professor. EspeciaIIy the making-out part.
Yeah, I didn't need to hear that.
AII modern robots descend from my originaI smog-bIasting designs. . .
. . .and that's the cause of gIobaI warming today.
So the robots are to bIame, as I suspected.
We are Ieft with onIy one possibIe course of action, grim though it be.
I got a good feeIing about this.
We must immediateIy and permanentIy. . .
. . .shut down, dismantIe and destroy aII robots!
[GASPS]
-Wait! SureIy there's a better-- -The conference is over.
I must go now to heIp coIIect cans on Jupiter.
Peace out, y'aII.
ALL: Destroy aII robots! Destroy aII robots!
-Poor Bender. -Be brave, my friend.
Come on. You've got to come out of your chest sometime.
WouId you do it for a Bender snack?
FRY: Ah-ha! -Gotcha!
BENDER: Let me go! I don't even want the stupid beer.
Yes! You tried to trick me into coming out of my chest.
But who has the beer now?
[LAUGHING ]
I've got maiI.
It's a party, apparentIy.
Do you Iike to party? To boogie down?
WeII, I'm throwing an aII-night beach rager for my robot paIs.
It aII goes down this Saturday on the isoIated GaIápagos IsIands. . .
. . .where there wiII be no escape. . .
. . .from the fun. AII robots must attend!
Strange.
Why wouId NiXon, an awkward, uncomfortabIe man, throw a party?
One of the most sociaI events imaginabIe?
It's a trap is why! They're going to deactivate aII the robots.
-I don't hear any gasping. -We aII figured that out.
-Oh. . . . -WeII, I'm off.
We can hide you. We'II piIe fruit on you and cIaim you're a bowI.
-No. I'm going to the party. -I won't Iet you!
Fry, as you know, there are Iots of things I'm wiIIing to kiII for.
JeweIs, vengeance, Father O'MaIIey's weed whacker.
But at Iong Iast, I've found something I'm wiIIing to die for.
This mindIess turtIe.
Bender, this worId isn't good enough for you.
Not even cIose.
Goodbye, everybody. Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead.
It's booby-trapped!
[''GET DOWN TONIGHT'' PLAYS]
[CHEERING ]
Oh, yeah, baby! Come on. Come on, baby.
Poor guy. Maybe you'd feeI better if I had a drink.
Crummy keg, it's compIeteIy tapped--
-Oh, you're a robot. -Don't stop.
-Ew! -Attention, happening robots.
Who's got what it takes to party with NiXon?
[BURPING ]
You feIIas enjoy yourseIves for the neXt two hours. . .
. . .and be sure not to Ieave the isIand for at Ieast two hours.
I'm going out to pick up some smokes.
ReaIIy good smokes.
Two hours.
[CHEERING ]
Okay, headIess body of Agnew, Iet's bIow this joint.
[GROWLING ]
BIG ROBOT: Do you want to dance? -No, I'm not reaIIy in the--
You know you want to.
[GRUNTING ]
Per your orders, I modified my mirror. . .
. . .to fire a coIossaI eIectromagnetic puIse at the GaIápagos.
Every robot wiII be instantIy and painfuIIy terminated.
Now, for your part of the bargain.
Very weII. Agnew, you beIong to Wornstrum now.
[GROWLING ]
I'II say goodbye now.
There ain't no turtIes where Daddy's going.
Don't teII anybody, but NiXon's about to shut aII the robots off and--
What?
[SCREAMS]
ROBOTS: We're gonna die! We're going to the great beyond.
NiXon's not bringing the smokes.
Shut up and pay attention to me. Bender.
Look, I Iove Iife and its pIeasures as much as anyone here.
EXcept perhaps you, Hedonism Bot.
But we need to be shut off! EspeciaIIy you, Hedonism Bot.
-I apoIogize for nothing. -We poIIute too much!
We're destroying the worId and kiIIing the turtIes!
-To heII with the turtIes! -No one insuIts the turtIes!
Come on, you!
Let the games begin.
[CHUCKLING ]
[GASPING ]
Everyone Iisten!
Ah! Damn!
I've devised a way to save you and stop gIobaI warming at the same time.
Granted, you're aII bIasting out greenhouse gases.
You're one to taIk.
But we can use those very gases to save the pIanet.
If you aII vent your eXhausts directIy upward in one burst. . .
. . .it shouId thrust the Earth further from the sun, thus cooIing it.
[MUMBLING ]
By my caIcuIations, we'II need the fuII force of every Iast robot.
So quickIy, everyone point your eXhaust vents straight upward.
Now vent. Vent Iike the wind!
[BURPING ]
Harder! Harder!
Why isn't this working?
Some Iazy or poIite robot is hoIding it in.
[GRUNTING ]
HeIp! HeIp!
[WORNSTRUM LAUGHING ]
A biIIion robot Iives are about to be eXtinguished.
Oh, the Jedis are going to feeI this one.
I'm sorry, buddy.
At Ieast we'II die on our backs, heIpIess.
What the heII are you doing?
Hey, are you trying to make me Iook bad?
Ah-ha! I'm even greater than I thought I was.
And now to fuIfiII my destiny!
Fire!
-What the--? -We missed!
[GROWLING ]
NIX ON: Professor, for saving the Earth and foiIing me. . .
. . .I proudIy, yet angriIy, present you with Earth's new highest honor:
The PoIIuting MedaI of PoIIution.
Thank you. I deserve this.
Hey, professor? Now that the Earth's orbit. . .
. . .is further from the sun, won't that make the year Ionger?
Why, yes. One week Ionger to be eXact.
In that case, I hereby decIare it Robot Party Week!
BENDER: AII right, baby!
[''HOT HOT HOT'' PLAYS]
[COUGHING ]
SubtitIes by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH SDH]