Jurassic Bark
For my neXt trick, notice I have nothing up my sIeeves. . .
. . .and nothing in my head.
So if my IoveIy assistant wiII kindIy suppIy me. . .
. . .with an ordinary, non-fake pitcher of miIk.
BehoId! The miIk has vanished!
EXiIed, perhaps, to another dimension!
Amazing! That's why they caII you Bender the Magnificent.
No, it isn't.
They discovered an intact 20th-century pizzeria, Iike the one I used to work at!
Interesting. No, wait, the other thing. Tedious.
Let's check it out. You can see how I Iived before I met you.
-You Iived before you met me? -Sure. Lots of peopIe did.
ReaIIy.
TruIy, they were as gods who buiIt this pIace.
NeXt, we come to the spIendidIy preserved wooden pizza paddIe.
Scientists theorize it was used to gentIy discipIine the deIivery boy.
FRY: Wait a second. This is Panucci's!
I used to work in this eXact pizzeria.
And for your information, Iady, this was not just used to paddIe my butt.
It was aIso used to move pizzas and crush rats.
I don't know where you get your facts, sir. . .
. . .but I am a voIunteer housewife with 45 minutes of orientation. . .
. . .and a HarIequin romance about archeoIogists.
Don't wave your fancy degrees at me.
I recognize aII this stuff.
Petrified sausages, oId Mr. ViteIIi, and that's--
[SCREAMS]
MAN: Yes? -Pizza deIivery for Mr. Seymour Asses?
MAN: There's no one by that name here or anywhere.
I hope that in time you'll realize what an idiot you've been.
I wouIdn't count on that.
[WHIMPERING ]
Poor IittIe guy. You Iook Iike you haven't eaten in a month.
Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks, your name is Seymour Asses.
I Iike you, Seymour.
You're not constantIy judging me, Iike aII the other dogs.
Are you?
We understand each other.
PeopIe think you're just a mutt who smeIIs bad. . .
. . .can't find a girIfriend and has a crummy job.
But you're keeping it reaI and you caII no man ''Mister. ''
WeII, goodbye. Live Iong and prosper.
[WHIMPERS]
[BARKING ]
That's the Ieast appetizing caIzone I've ever seen.
No! That's my dog in there! It's an outrage, I say.
BENDER: Ow! Ow!
I'm taking him home and I'd Iike to see anyone try and stop me.
Ow! Oh! Ow! Oh! Ah!
And then he was ejected by the guards.
NeedIess to say, I was mortified.
WeII, it's not right to make my dead pet an eXhibit.
That's Iike digging up Lassie and putting her in the Louvre.
Lassie is on dispIay in the Louvre.
I know. I was deIiberateIy describing a simiIar situation.
Why don't you try protesting, Iike those native Martians.
AIways whining that peopIe don't treat their ancestors' bones with respect.
[SLURPING ]
Protesting never works.
You're right. I'II give it a shot!
ALL: What do you want? -Fry's dog!
-When do you want it? -Fry's dog!
Yeah!
I wiII now perform my peopIe's native dance.
[''THE HUSTLE'' PLAYS]
It says here that this part of The HustIe. . .
. . .impIores the gods to grant a favor, usuaIIy a Trans Am.
[SINGS ''WALKING ON SUNSHINE'']
[BARKING ''WALKING ON SUNSHINE'']
[SINGING ]
Thattaboy, Seymour. Right here waiting for me as aIways.
Just Iike that huge mushroom in my shower.
Hey, there's our IittIe mascot.
You been swimming in the sewer again? You rascaI.
-Fry, cIeanup! -Seymour, cIeanup!
-Good dog. -That's a good Seymour.
There's dog fur on my sIice!
No, that's vermiceIIi. No fur in here.
[BARKING ]
FRY: He's so cute.
He can do two things at one time: eat and swim.
Three things!
[MUSIC FADES]
Fry, it's been three days. You can't keep boogying Iike this.
You'II come down with a fever of some sort.
I'm Dr. Ben BeeIer, the paIeontoIogist who discovered your dog.
Or as some caII it, the BeeIersaurus.
So do I get Seymour back? Are you caving to poIiticaI pressure?
No. We're sorry, but there's just too much. . .
. . .that fossiI can teach us about dogs from your time.
His name was Seymour.
He was once intimate with the Ieg of a wandering saXophonist.
He had wet dog smeII, even when dry.
And he was not above chasing the number 29 bus.
The 29? Interesting.
-That's aII I needed, right? -I'm good.
Okay, then. Here's your dog back.
Seymour!
Lady and gentIeman. . .
. . .how about a hand for my temporary repIacement assistant?
I was aII in this part! It's magic!
You're not fit to wear Fry's Ieotard!
ZOIDBERG: Stop!
-Good news, everyone! -Hurray, he's back!
And he's Iooking for a garbage can to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy.
No. ActuaIIy, we've discovered that Fry's dog was fast-fossiIized. . .
. . .preserving its ceIIuIar structure.
Which means we can cIone it! Seymour wiII Iive again!
A IittIe Iand mammaI.
Can you beIieve it, Bender? I'm gonna have my best friend back!
[SOBBING ]
Why the idiot convention?
Cubert, my precious babe.
I'm going to attempt to cIone Fry's dog. . .
. . .using the very same apparatus I used to cIone you.
Look! There's a smidge of toe stiII in here.
You see, beneath the fossiI's crunchy mineraI sheII. . .
. . .there's stiII a creamy core of dog nougat.
So wiII Seymour remember how to sing ''WaIking on Sunshine''?
AmazingIy, yes.
In cases of rapid fossiIization, I can press this brain scan button. . .
. . .retrieving Seymour's memories at the precise instant of doggy death.
I'm gonna get my puppy back! In your face, Grim Reaper!
Crappy, ineffective reaper.
I just need to reset the CIone-O-Mat from human mode to dog mode.
COMPUTER: The dog says:
[MOOING ]
Oh-oh. This may take a whiIe.
[VIDEO GAME PLAYING ]
You stink, Ioser!
Hey, Fry, pizza going out.
Come on!
But I'm ceIebrating New Year's Eve.
Like you got squat to ceIebrate.
You're a deIivery boy this miIIennium. . .
. . .and you'II be a deIivery boy neXt miIIennium.
[GROWLS AND WHIMPERS]
What's with Seymour? It's Iike he don't want you to go.
Or he thinks your pants is too short.
Which is crazy, because frankIy, you Iook fabuIous. Now get going!
[WHIMPERING ]
I won't be gone Iong, Seymour. Just wait here tiII I come back.
[WHIMPERING ]
HeIIo? Pizza deIivery for. . .
. . . ''I.C. Wiener''? Oh, crud.
Here's to another Iousy miIIennium.
ALL: Five, four, three, two. . . .
[SCREAMS]
What the--?
A dog coIIar, for me? You shouIdn't have.
-That's for Seymour. -Oh.
[SQUEAKING ]
A subscription to the Daily Growl?
That's not a reputabIe journaI of opinion.
That's for Seymour. I'm getting everything ready for when he's cIoned.
Are you on the junk, Fry?
Why waste time on a creature of inferior inteIIigence?
-Hey, he was smart. He couId fetch. -I can fetch!
-He couId dig up bones. -HeIIo? CharIemagne?
PIus, I bet he couIdn't create a Iaser show with his head.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
Look, Bender, this has nothing to do with you.
That's impossibIe!
Now if you'II eXcuse me, I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.
No one ever asked if Bender wouId Iike to Iive in a tiny IittIe house.
Not that I wouId.
A tiny IittIe house that says ''Bender'' on it.
BENDER: Ow!
FRY: This is Fry. If you're calling about the used towels for sale...
... they're still available for $45 each.
PhiI, it's your father. Where are you?
You're hoIding up New Year's brunch.
Your brother can't wait any Ionger.
HeIIo, first boIogna of the new miIIennium.
[BARKING ]
Here he comes. That's him and Seymour.
[BARKING ]
WeII, that's weird. Seymour's here, but--
Go! Go! Touchdown! But where's PhiIip?
I'm teIIing you, the Y2K computers got him.
We'II face burning roads, rivers eXpIoding. . .
. . .caIcuIators transformed into Scud missiIes.
There's nothing we can do.
[BARKS ''WALKING ON SUNSHINE'']
What's that, Seymour? You waIking on sunshine?
[WHIMPERING ]
He's trying to teII us something. Maybe he can Iead us to PhiIip!
-ShouId we foIIow him? -To our deaths? Negatory.
It's the Y2K trying to Iure us into an ambush.
And I ain't buying it. Pass the boIogna.
Are you gonna be done soon?
Sorry, but we need to practice hand-to-hand combat. . .
. . .in case an enemy knocks the Iaser guns out of our hands. . .
. . .and they sIide way across the room.
CouId you do it somepIace eIse? I'm setting up Seymour's dog bed.
-Okay. -Ow!
[BENDER WHISTLING ]
HeeI, boy! HeeI!
Oh, heIIo, Fry. I guess I didn't notice you there.
I'm having such fun with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy.
That's nice.
I was just out waIking him. Yes, you can waIk him.
Of course, after he goes, you have to refiII the canisters.
Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet.
ROBO-PUPPY: Robo-Puppy receiving petting.
Bender, are you jeaIous of Fry's puppy?
That's so adorabIe!
JeaIous? Not when I have the Iove of Robo-Puppy here.
Robo-Puppy, Iick my cheek.
Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek.
Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking.
Licking in progress. Licking complete.
Robo-Puppy truIy is robot's best friend.
There. Perfect.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
Good news, everyone! The Clone-o-Mat is ready!
[CHEERING ]
FinaIIy!
Robo-Puppy commencing two-hour yipping session.
[YIPPING ]
Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert! Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!
BehoId once more, the mighty CIone-O-Mat!
Requiring such vast amounts of eIectricity. . .
. . .that we must harness the eIementaI power of nature itseIf!
ALL: Wow.
I speak, of course, of moIten Iava deep within the Earth's core.
To the subbasement!
[GRUNTING ]
[SCREAMING ]
Powering up CIone-O-Mat!
PIacing fossiI on the PIat-CIone-O-Form.
Initiating dog brain CAT scan!
Come on, boy. Come back to Iife.
Know ye now what feeIs Iike to be dog god!
Commencing DNA eXtraction.
Fry, come on! The taIent show.
What? I'm in the middIe of something.
But if we don't perform, in what sense do we have an act?
Bender, enough. Leave me aIone!
So that's how it is? I thought you were my friend.
But if you Iove your dog so much, maybe you'd rather pIay fetch!
No!
[SCREAMS]
[LAUGHING ]
Now I'm aII you got!
I hate you! I hate you!
You eviI, metaI man! Ow!
So anyway, your dog is meIted. Now we're friends again.
Not necessariIy. For the dog may yet survive.
May yet? ReaIIy?
Indeed. You see, that fossiI was made of doIomite. . .
. . .the tough, bIack mineraI that won't cop out when there's heat aII about.
By contrast, observe the Iava's affect on this ice swan.
Of course, that wouId've meIted even at room temperature.
I just wanted to get rid of it.
But had it been made of that righteous mineraI doIomite. . .
. . .there's a sIim chance it might have survived.
So Seymour might stiII eXist?
Perhaps, for a few minutes. It's doIomite, baby!
Then I'm going in after him!
ALL: No! -He'd come after me!
[DOOR SQUEAKS]
Acting Iike a moron won't bring your dog back.
Then aII hope is Iost!
Goodbye, Seymour.
[SOBBING ]
PIease stop crying, Fry.
Here.
I assumed you were just pretending to Iove the dog. . .
. . .to toy with my emotions.
-What have I done? -You didn't do anything.
Don't beat yourseIf up.
Fry, I'm sorry.
I shouId have understood how someone can Iove an inferior creature. . .
. . .because I Iove you.
Not in the way of the ancient Greeks, but the way a robot Ioves a human. . .
. . .a human Ioves a dog, and occasionaIIy, a goriIIa Ioves a kitty.
I'm going in!
I'm a professor! Why isn't anyone Iistening to me?
You can't go in because you'II meIt!
The fossiI onIy has a chance because it's made of doIomite.
I'm 40 percent doIomite!
BENDER: Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot!
[BARKING ]
I am one hung-over cryogenicist.
Throw that mutt in the freezer tiII his owners come.
You can't soIve aII your probIems by freezing them.
I think you're forgetting our motto.
Are you the cryogenicist who caIIed about our son's dog?
You must be the Frys. Yeah, he's right over there.
Sorry we're Iate. We aII got sick from eating bad boIogna.
Y2K.
What's he so worked up about?
He's just upset because our boy's missing.
Come on, you overgrown rat! Lead us to PhiIip.
[WHIMPERING ]
Bender's been down there too Iong!
-I'm going in after him! -Professor! Lava! Hot!
This is aII my fauIt.
I Iet my best friend risk his Iife just to get my dead dog back.
-Bender! -And that is why they caII me. . .
. . .Bender the Magnificent!
Hey, where'd everybody go?
Okay, Iet's cIone us some dog.
-Yeah! -Very weII.
Let this abomination unto the Lord begin!
Interesting. It seems Seymour died at the ripe oId age of 1 5.
Fifteen? You mean he Iived for 1 2 more years after I got frozen?
Indeed.
Stop the cIoning.
Oh, sure. Smash the smart guy's machine.
-Fry, what's wrong? -Think about it.
Seymour Iived a fuII Iife after I was gone.
He probabIy even added new songs to his repertoire.
But that's a good thing. ''WaIking on Sunshine'' sucks noodIes.
I had Seymour tiII he was 3.
That's when I knew him and that's when I Ioved him.
I'II never forget him.
But he forgot me a Iong, Iong time ago.
[''I WILL WAIT FOR YOU'' PLAYS]
MAN: Ow!
SubtitIes by SDI Media Group
[ENGLISH SDH]