{177}{230}The DeviI's Hands Are IdIe PIaythings {875}{900}[MUSIC PLAYS] {905}{940}Huh? {1007}{1057}I choose to not understand these signs. {1127}{1160}Aha! {1165}{1227}Bender! I was just|not pIaying the hoIophonor. {1232}{1285}Yeah, weII, you shouId try|not stinking at it. {1290}{1355}WeII, I am trying.|I've been taking Iessons. {1360}{1402}Lessons! Oh, that's rich! {1407}{1495}Isn't it time you gave up aII hope|of ever improving yourseIf in any way? {1500}{1547}I know I shouId, but I just can't. {1552}{1612}Remember those stomach worms|I had that made me smart? {1617}{1685}I couId pIay the hoIophonor.|And it made LeeIa Iike me. {1737}{1820}Hey, Bender, as Iong as you know,|I have a hoIophonor recitaI Tuesday. . . {1825}{1887}. . .and I'd reaIIy Iike to have|somebody there. PIease? {1902}{1942}Fine. I'II go aIready. {1947}{2027}You know, sometimes I wish|your reaI parents were stiII aIive. {2047}{2097}Not often, though. {2197}{2222}Hey! {2227}{2290}[MUMBLING ] {2307}{2370}-HeIIo, Mrs. MeIIonger.|-HeIIo, PhiIip. {2375}{2472}And you must be Mr. Bender.|PhiIip's toId me so much about you. {2475}{2577}-Is it true that you're a robot?|-I prefer the term ''Iove machine. '' {2582}{2607}[PURRS] {2615}{2667}[PLAYS BEETHOVEN'S ''FUR ELISE''] {3112}{3157}Your kid is great. {3160}{3255}-How hard you say you had to hit him?|-FairIy hard. {3387}{3427}''The Grumpy SnaiI. '' {3432}{3487}[PLAYS BADLY] {3615}{3650}Sorry. {3745}{3775}[GROWLING ] {3780}{3842}[SCREAMING ] {3877}{3927}It's too grumpy! {4030}{4110}-No! No! Quit! Stop!|-Whoo! {4115}{4192}Mr. Bender, I simpIy|cannot teach your chiId. {4197}{4265}Then good day, madam! {4347}{4422}We hope to see you soon for tea. {4455}{4480}FRY:|It's hopeIess. {4485}{4580}I can hear this great music in my head,|but my stupid hands can't keep up. {4585}{4680}You know what aIways cheers me up?|Laughing at other peopIe's misfortunes! {4685}{4710}[LAUGHING ] {4727}{4795}Hey, guys. You missed a great|deIivery to space Earth. {4800}{4865}-Where you been aII afternoon?|-At a concert. {4870}{4967}Was it jazz noodIing?|My eX-boyfriend Shawn pIayed the saX. {4970}{5065}I used to Iisten for hours whiIe he sat|naked on my couch and improvised. {5070}{5135}So musicians reaIIy|Rodger your Hammerstein? {5140}{5235}Yeah. It's weird.|Shawn was uneducated, unambitious. {5240}{5300}-He was pasty and hunched.|-Pretty boy. {5305}{5437}But when he pIayed, I couId sense|this incredibIe, beautifuI creative souI. {5442}{5532}Then one day I found someone eIse's|couch fibers on his butt. {5537}{5592}I couIdn't even beIieve that.|That's reaIIy. . . . {5595}{5667}That couId be my beautifuI souI|sitting naked on her couch. {5670}{5727}If I couId just Iearn|to pIay this stupid thing. {5732}{5767}Oh, but you can. {5775}{5842}You may have to metaphoricaIIy|make a deaI with the deviI. {5847}{5892}And by deviI, I mean Robot DeviI. {5895}{5965}And by metaphoricaIIy,|I mean get your coat. {5970}{6015}[SCREAMING ] {6062}{6110}[MUSIC PLAYS] {6135}{6237}You hit a sour note about|200 years back, Doug! {6242}{6280}Let's take it from the top. {6315}{6377}-Ow!|-Bender! Fry! {6380}{6442}You've come back|for more eternaI damnation! {6447}{6537}No, this isn't a reIigious visit.|Fry just wants hoIophonor Iessons. {6542}{6597}Yep. I need to get reaIIy good|without practicing. {6602}{6645}[CHUCKLING ] {6650}{6740}HeII is fuII of 1 0-year-oIds|who wanted eXactIy the same thing. {6745}{6810}TroubIe is, you have what|my oId music teacher. . . {6815}{6907}. . .Mrs. MeIIonger, caIIs ''stupid fingers. '' {6912}{6995}With hands Iike that|you'II be Iucky to master a beIt buckIe. {7040}{7147}Now, wouIdn't it be nice if you had|a pair of robot hands to repIace them? {7155}{7225}Sure wouId. Oh, weII, goodbye. {7230}{7262}Fry, you smeIIy idiot. {7267}{7347}I think he's wiIIing to make some kind|of deaI with the deviI with you. {7352}{7397}He is? Great! {7402}{7462}-Wait, what's the catch?|-No catch. {7467}{7547}I'II mereIy pick a robot at random|from somewhere in the universe. . . {7552}{7635}. . .probabIy one you've never even met,|and then I'II remove his hands. . . {7640}{7727}. . .and switch them for yours.|It's just the sort of guy I am. {7730}{7792}-What do you say?|-I don't know. {7797}{7882}-It doesn't seem entireIy moraI to--|-Fry, if you don't take this offer. . . {7887}{7945}. . .I wiII Iose aII respect|for you and punch you. {7950}{7985}[CHUCKLING ] {7992}{8045}WeII, aII right. {8050}{8117}-You sure I won't know him?|-DefiniteIy probabIy not. {8122}{8177}-Just sign this contract.|-Wow. {8232}{8280}And here we go! {8347}{8430}I got 1 00 bucks on RectaI EXam-bot! {8787}{8887}-Ah!|-Robot DeviI? I get your hands? {8892}{8965}Oh, what an appaIIingIy ironic outcome! {8970}{9112}It's not ironic, it's just coincidentaI.|Now fork over those Iadyfingers, cookie! {9155}{9252}I onIy put my name on there as a show|of good faith for the other robots. {9257}{9322}Stop being such a baby|and chop my hands off. {9327}{9392}Oh, very weII. {9422}{9517}-How'd you do that?|-They're very good hands. {9522}{9615}At Iast! At Iast I have the power|to make LeeIa Iove me! {9620}{9667}[GAGGING ] {9677}{9762}Oh, sorry. That'II wear off|in a coupIe of days. {9895}{9945}Check it out, everyone!|I'm back from heII. . . {9950}{10017}-. . .and I've got the Robot DeviI's hands!|-Neat! {10020}{10092}-Let's see a trick!|-AIrighty. {10097}{10130}[BENDER BABBLING ] {10195}{10287}Somebody caIIed a Robot DeviI's here|to see somebody caIIed Fry. {10292}{10322}Uh-oh. {10360}{10402}Where'd I go just now? {10437}{10482}HeIIo, Fry. {10485}{10527}[CHUCKLING ] {10530}{10625}Just dropped by to make sure you're as|happy with our IittIe deaI as I am. {10630}{10715}And-- Oh, give me back my hands! {10720}{10812}These things are aIways|touching me in pIaces. {10817}{10842}[CHUCKLING ] {10845}{10925}Yeah, they get around.|But I'm afraid we had a deaI. {10932}{11035}-Looks Iike I wasted a bus trip.|-Yes, you did. {11040}{11102}[HOLOPHONOR PLAYS] {11277}{11332}[PLAYS ''FUR ELISE''] {11462}{11497}[WOMAN SCREAMS] {11555}{11620}[CARMEN'S ''BOLERO'' PLAYS] {11860}{11937}Yes, now you can hear|holophonor virtuoso Philip Fry... {11942}{12047}...playing 900 of these classic themes in|your own home on this two-record set. {12052}{12130}That's over 30 minutes|of music for only $ 1 4.99. {12140}{12262}OnIy $ 1 4.99 for a two-record set.|Two records! {12267}{12367}Oh, Zoidberg, at Iast you're becoming|a crafty consumer. {12370}{12427}MAN: Hello?|-HeIIo? I'II take eight! {12432}{12457}[DOORBELL CHIMES] {12482}{12560}-A Mr. Hedonism-bot to see you.|-Show him in. {12565}{12670}-Very good, sir.|-Oh, Fry! CongratuIations! {12675}{12752}Your Iatest performance was|as deIectabIe as dipping my bottom. . . {12757}{12855}. . .over and over into a bath|of the siIkiest oiIs and creams. {12860}{12917}Thank you. That's eXactIy|what I was going for. {12925}{13035}You are the soIe diversion in what has|been a paIe and unamusing season. {13040}{13137}And so I wouId fain commission|you write an opera. {13142}{13237}-But I've never written an opera.|-And I've never heard one. {13242}{13310}StiII, if you can keep me amused|through the overture. . . {13315}{13380}. . .I shaII consider it a smashing success. {13385}{13462}But I wouIdn't even know|what to write about. UnIess. . . . {13587}{13670}Okay, I'II do it.|If I can make it about LeeIa. {13675}{13712}Me? ReaIIy? {13720}{13812}A man writing an opera about a woman? {13825}{13955}Oh, sirrah. How deIiciousIy absurd.|I shaII see you at the premiere. {13960}{14007}[GIGGLING ] {14120}{14197}[HOLOPHONOR PLAYS] {14542}{14612}-Is it part of the opera?|-LeeIa! You shouIdn't be Iistening. {14620}{14702}-I don't want you to hear it tiII it's done.|-But it's so beautifuI. {14710}{14772}So is a peacock, but you don't|eat it untiI it's cooked. {14777}{14807}This has to be perfect. {14812}{14897}I want you to hear eXactIy|what I hear when I think about you. {14902}{15015}Oh, Fry. AII this time you've had|this incredibIe gift and I never knew. {15020}{15110}I've been a fooI.|A fuIIy justified, prudent fooI. {15170}{15270}-Ah! They're so coId!|ROBOT DEVIL: And yet hell is so hot! {15275}{15325}[ROBOT DEVIL LAUGHING ] {15330}{15387}ROBOT DEVIL: Can I have my hands?|-No! {15390}{15432}You're not nice! {15487}{15537}[HUMMING ] {15587}{15722}Bender, this is a surprise.|For you, finding me in the refrigerator! {15730}{15797}True, but at Ieast I don't have|the hiccups anymore. What up? {15802}{15887}Oh, weII, it so happens I'm in the mood|to make a deaI with you. {15892}{16017}-Forget it, you can't tempt me.|-ReaIIy? There's nothing you want? {16020}{16097}I forgot you couId tempt me|with things I want. {16102}{16210}I suppose I've aIways wondered what|it wouId be Iike to be more annoying. {16215}{16280}Oh. Nothing simpIer. {16282}{16415}And aII I ask in return is your hands|to repIace these bony hot dogs. {16420}{16495}Grabby and Squeezy? Never!|I Iove these guys! {16500}{16567}Is there anything eIse|you wouId part with? {16572}{16652}No! Nothing! Ain't gonna happen. {16680}{16777}Yes! With this buiIt-in stadium air horn,|I can reaIIy annoy peopIe! {16782}{16845}And aII it cost me was my crotch pIate. {16850}{16945}You certainIy are a shrewd|businessman, Bender. {16950}{17010}Now find someone|and give them a good bIast. {17017}{17110}Yeah! That'II teach|the first person I see a Iesson. {17115}{17222}My ridicuIousIy circuitous pIan|is one quarter compIete. {17225}{17275}[LAUGHING ] {17315}{17367}WeII, Fry's opera premieres|tomorrow night. {17370}{17462}I'm off to find a pair of formaI gIoves|that'II fit over my enormous forearms. {17487}{17545}[AIR HORN HONKING ] {17580}{17602}[LAUGHING ] {17607}{17687}-Pretty annoying, huh, LeeIa?|-What? Are you taIking? {17690}{17757}-Oh, God, I'm deaf!|-Oops! {17762}{17845}I'm so, so sorry, LeeIa.|I just wanted to annoy you. {17850}{17970}What? Oh, this is horribIe!|I won't be abIe to hear Fry's opera. {17975}{18022}[SOBBING ] {18027}{18085}Oh, how deIightfuIIy ironic. {18090}{18180}It's not ironic. It's just mean.|Take this: {18185}{18217}[AIR HORN FADING ] {18222}{18317}Oh! Out of aerosoI. AIso ironic. {18322}{18392}Oh, yeah? WeII, bite my shiny metaI-- {18397}{18470}Oh, no! {18700}{18737}Nobody teII Fry I'm deaf. {18742}{18820}If he found out I couIdn't hear his opera,|it'd break his heart. {18825}{18852}Okay, Deafo. {18890}{19022}Courtesans and gentIe fops,|I bid you weIcome to my opera. {19027}{19157}Let us cavort Iike the Greeks of oId.|You know the ones I mean. {19262}{19305}[CROWD MUMBLING ] {19315}{19362}-Hurrah!|-Yay, Fry! {19367}{19410}I watch TV with that guy! {19777}{19850}Who is this one-eyed|Female baby Moses? {19855}{19945}With courage in|Her female baby smile? {19950}{20020}A savior from the stars|or something stranger still? {20025}{20145}or just a lonely|Filthy, starving child? {20150}{20240}Amy, Fry's Iooking at me.|What am I supposed to be feeIing? {20287}{20325}Ah. {20392}{20502}Leela, Leela, Leela, save him {20507}{20630}Save Fry, save Fry|Godzilla will devour him {20635}{20732}As for me, I must be off|To have my doctor check this cough {20737}{20762}[COUGHING ] {20767}{20812}Goodbye {20840}{20952}I don't recaII ever fighting GodziIIa.|But that is so what I wouId've done. {21025}{21062}[LAUGHING ] {21075}{21122}One diet doubIe martini, pIease. {21127}{21200}-And for you, sir?|-I'II just have a ShirIey HempIe. {21205}{21317}EXtra! EXtra!|WorId's greatest opera onIy haIf over! {21322}{21352}HaIf over? Oh! {21372}{21470}-I'd give anything to hear the rest.|-Anything? {21502}{21597}Thank you, sir.|Now, as I was saying, anything? {21600}{21675}Because I can give you new robotic ears. {21680}{21732}What?|You can give me new ears? {21735}{21825}Wait. What seemingIy reasonabIe|thing do you want in return? {21830}{21927}-Just your hands, my dear.|-Whatever you said, forget it. {21932}{21982}AII right, then. Just one hand. {21990}{22060}Just my Ieft hand? {22092}{22207}MAN: Please take your seats for Act 2.|HEDONISM-BOT: I'm not done vomiting! {22270}{22317}I can't stand it! {22322}{22452}-Okay! You can have my hand.|-WonderfuI! Just sign here. {22465}{22537}CaIcuIon, oId friend,|I'm afraid I need your ears. {22542}{22700}WeII, I do owe you for giving me|this unhoIy acting taIent! {22775}{22842}[ORCHESTRA TUNING ] {22845}{22925}I can hear!|I can hear Iike a safecracker! {22930}{23067}-Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand?|-In good time. You go enjoy the opera. {23195}{23272}To win Leela 's heart|With the holophonor's art {23280}{23350}I need hands|of transcendental quickness {23355}{23472}Well, I don 't see any danger|In gambling with a stranger {23480}{23605}For my head is|of a most amazing thickness {23610}{23635}[LAUGHING ] {23655}{23700}[GROWLS] {23705}{23782}I'm stupid, I'm stupid|I'm stupider than you {23787}{23877}I'm stupider than you|In every way {23885}{24005}Stupider?|This opera's as Iousy as it is briIIiant! {24170}{24210}Your Iyrics Iack subtIety. {24215}{24297}You can't just have your characters|announce how they feeI. {24307}{24390}-That makes me feeI angry!|-Look, what do you want? {24395}{24472}I want my hands back {24475}{24512}[CHUCKLING ] {24517}{24550}Never! {24555}{24630}A deal's a deal|Even with a dirty dealer {24635}{24762}Very well, then I'll take|What I want from Leela {24772}{24807}Whoa! {24840}{24915}Leela has promised me her hand {24920}{25027}Fry, you do not understand {25032}{25122}I should have revealed|I'd been deafened by Bender {25127}{25197}The shame, the shame {25202}{25302}But I feared you'd stop writing|This musical splendor {25305}{25392}Deception 's the curse|of my whimsical gender {25397}{25480}He gave me mechanical ears {25485}{25562}Effective, though just a bit garish {25567}{25712}In return, without shedding a tear|I agreed that I'd give him my hand {25715}{25757}In marriage {25762}{25787}-Huh?|-What? {25790}{25882}You'll give me your hand in marriage {25890}{25965}Is this really happening|or just being staged? {25970}{26052}-It can 't be real|-Not if Leela is engaged {26057}{26132}That isn 't what I meant|That isn 't what I signed {26140}{26235}You should have checked|The wording in the fine {26240}{26277}Print {26290}{26397}-''I'II give you my hand. . . . ''|-In marriage {26402}{26517}''The use of words expressing something|other than their literal intention'' {26522}{26612}Now that is irony {26657}{26740}I will marry her now|And confine her to hell {26745}{26817}How droll, how droll {26822}{26912}Where Styx is a river|And not just a band {26917}{27002}Though they'll play our reception|If all goes as planned {27010}{27142}Unless, Fry, you surrender|My hands {27242}{27382}Destiny has cheated me|By forcing me to decide upon {27387}{27517}The woman that I idolize|or the hands of an automaton {27522}{27625}Without these hands I can 't complete|The opera that was captivating her {27630}{27700}But if I keep them|And she marries him {27707}{27810}Then he probably won 't|Want me dating her {27815}{27852}[CHEERING ] {27857}{27920}Bravo! Encore! {27925}{28007}I can 't believe the devil|Is so unforgiving {28012}{28117}I can 't believe|Everybody's just ad-libbing {28157}{28292}By the power vested in me|By the state of New New York {28295}{28377}No! Stop! Take my hands! {28382}{28532}You evil, metal dork {28537}{28572}[CHUCKLING ] {28580}{28642}[GASPS] {28650}{28722}Surgery in an opera?|How wonderfuIIy decadent! {28727}{28792}And just as I was beginning|to Iose interest. {28797}{28877}Jombee, the chocoIate icing. {28887}{28982}Oh. Oh, my, yes. {29015}{29120}My hands!|My horribIe human hands! {29140}{29222}-And what did you do to my naiIs?|-I cIeaned them. {29230}{29325}Now, if you'II eXcuse me,|it's my poker night and I feeI Iucky. {29335}{29422}So it's back to heII for me.|Come on, NiXon! {29475}{29517}[WHISPERING ] {29530}{29642}Less reaIity, more fantasy!|Resume the opera! {29650}{29692}But I can't pIay anymore! {29697}{29822}Yes, you can! The beauty was|in your heart, not your hands! {30050}{30090}[BOOING ] {30097}{30185}The music's bad|and you shouId feeI bad! {30215}{30302}Ah! Oh! Whoa! Hey! Whoa. {30347}{30437}EXtra! EXtra!|Greatest opera of aII time sucks! {30442}{30492}I'II take eight. {30727}{30795}LEELA:|PIease don't stop pIaying, Fry. {30810}{30872}I wanna hear how it ends. {32340}{32365}SubtitIes by|SDI Media Group {32370}{32395}[ENGLISH SDH]