{1}{177}25.000 {177}{231}Clone of My Own {813}{844}Good news! {849}{943}The university is bringing me up|on disciplinary charges. {949}{994}Wait, that's not good news. {1000}{1082}Whatever you did, I'm sure|there's a good explanation. {1088}{1127}Yes, but they won't listen. {1133}{1207}Everyone's always in favor|of saving Hitler's brain. {1213}{1283}But when you put it in the body|of a great white shark? {1289}{1332}Suddenly you've gone too far! {1594}{1699}Professor Farnsworth, do you know|why we've called you here today? {1705}{1751}Listen to me, you pompous frauds! {1756}{1831}If I'm going down,|I'm taking you all with me! {1836}{1887}Dean Vernon, I know the truth! {1893}{1991}It was you driving your hover car|that night, not your horse. {1997}{2026}Dean Epsilon... {2032}{2137}...I know all about your|"Department of Pool Boy Studies". {2143}{2194}And Dr. Wernstrum? {2200}{2234}Wernstrum! {2240}{2316}Actually, professor,|we merely called you here to say... {2322}{2348}...surprise. {2354}{2388}- Happy birthday!|- Surprise! {2444}{2486}And you, Coach Smalley! {2492}{2558}Or should I say, "Coach Hairpiece"? {2564}{2627}No, professor.|It's a surprise party... {2633}{2701}...for your 150th birthday! {2806}{2843}Good evening, I'm... {2849}{2876}Sorry. {2881}{2943}I'm Bender, and I'll be|emceeing this roast. {2949}{3026}They say you can judge a man|by the company he keeps. {3031}{3143}So here's the professor's oldest|friend, a grotesque, stinking lobster! {3226}{3296}Good evening, ladies and germs. {3302}{3397}That wasn't a joke.|I was talking to Dean Streptococcus. {3403}{3486}Now I'm not saying|Professor Farnsworth is old... {3492}{3589}...but if you consider his age,|he's likely to die soon. {3632}{3681}Hey, Ringo? That was the joke. {3710}{3799}It's ShoWtime at the Apollo|all over again. {3816}{3909}Where would a professor be without|students who love and respect him? {3915}{3961}Right there! {3974}{4079}But seriously, of all the former crew|members of his delivery ship... {4085}{4149}...our next speaker is by far|the most alive. {4155}{4187}Captain Musky? {4485}{4538}I wouldn't want to follow that guy. {4602}{4701}And now, a man who needs|no introduction. {4817}{4871}Fry, get up there! {4921}{4946}Thank you. {4951}{5051}When I was first asked to make a film|about my nephew, the professor... {5056}{5137}...I thought, why should I?|Then later, Leela made the film. {5143}{5244}But if I had made it, there would be|more topless women on motorcycles. {5250}{5275}Roll film. {5468}{5542}Hubert J. FarnsWorth Was born|April 9th, 2851... {5548}{5639}...in NeW NeW York's nerdiest slum,|Hell's Laboratory. {5645}{5749}A precocious child, he learned to read|While he Was still in diapers... {5755}{5784}...at age 8. {5790}{5849}Soon he became a greasy teenager. {5886}{5908}Dork alert! {5914}{5962}After 14 years of graduate school... {5968}{6042}...he settled into the glamorous life|of a scientist. {6048}{6096}Fast cars, trendy nightspots... {6101}{6131}...beautiful Women. {6136}{6242}The professor designed them all,|Working out of his one-room apartment. {6248}{6331}For 50 years, he Worked at|Mom's Friendly Robot Company... {6336}{6436}...Where he created the first robot|capable of qualifying for a boat loan. {6443}{6536}And noW, even as he nears|his 150th birthday... {6541}{6616}...the professor retains|the fiery passion of youth. {6621}{6669}Listen to me, you pompous frauds! {6675}{6746}If I'm going doWn,|I'm taking you all With me! {6919}{6976}How about a few words, professor? {7023}{7058}I said, words. {7152}{7239}What a pleasure it is to see|my lifetime of accomplishment... {7245}{7303}...summed up in a 3-minute film. {7316}{7371}My best years are behind me. {7376}{7434}So much left undone. {7440}{7506}So little time. {7624}{7680}Funny, funny stuff! {7741}{7782}My life is over. {7788}{7861}No, it isn't.|You have another 10 years left. {7867}{7944}Leela, he could live|another 100 years! {7950}{7989}No, he couldn't. {7995}{8031}When you turn 160... {8037}{8119}...robots from the Sunset Squad|take you to a mysterious planet... {8125}{8159}...and you never return. {8165}{8238}Wow, a whole planet of old people.|Where is it? {8244}{8283}Nobody knows. {8289}{8332}So many loves half-loved. {8338}{8401}So many inventions half-invented. {8407}{8519}That damn time machine alone|set me back 15 years. {8525}{8613}If only it'd work, you could go back|and not waste your time on it. {8619}{8676}There's no one to carry on|after I'm gone. {8681}{8804}No one to take over my work and|my research and my fabulous fortune. {8810}{8847}By God, that's it! {8853}{8893}I've got to name a successor! {8899}{8928}A successor? {8934}{8976}A successor to the professor? {8982}{9016}There's no time to lose. {9021}{9122}I'm off to my lab to build|a successor-naming machine! {9175}{9231}The professor's been in his lab|for days! {9237}{9306}I hope he didn't die.|Unless he named me his successor. {9311}{9344}Then I hope he did die. {9350}{9421}You, the successor?|Over my empty shell! {9426}{9534}The professor will pick me.|Only I have his lobster-like tenacity. {9540}{9571}Up yours, Zoidberg! {9576}{9652}Up wherever your species|traditionally crams things. {9658}{9747}The only sensible way to pick|a successor is with a limbo contest. {9753}{9793}- What?|- Kingston rules. {9799}{9852}Two men go down, one comes up. {9915}{9992}Look, the professor trusts me|with a giant spaceship. {9998}{10047}He wouldn't trust you|with his dentures. {10053}{10079}Yes, he would. {10085}{10176}Sorry, everyone. But need I remind|you, blood is thicker than water. {10181}{10251}Blood. Thicker. Water. {10312}{10377}Everyone, I have a very|dramatic announcement. {10383}{10453}So anyone with a weak heart|should leave now. {10459}{10496}Goodbye. {10508}{10536}Professor? {10542}{10596}Oh, yes! The announcement. {10601}{10669}As you all know,|I am not long for this world. {10675}{10750}- Yes, we know.|- One foot in the grave. {10756}{10798}So I've picked my successor. {10804}{10857}It's someone in whom|I have great faith... {10863}{10943}...though his mind is undeveloped|and he's accomplished nothing. {10988}{11036}My closest living relative... {11060}{11135}...my clone, Qbert Farnsworth. {11430}{11465}He's horrible! {11481}{11547}Crud. Can I at least be in charge|of your dentures? {11553}{11579}You wish. {11674}{11708}Where did he come from? {11714}{11776}12 years ago,|I began the cloning process... {11782}{11894}...by removing skin cells from one|of the shapelier growths on my back. {11900}{11982}If he's your clone, why doesn't|his nose look like yours? {11988}{12087}I left him in his first tube too long|and he got squished against the side. {12093}{12129}Is he dumb or just ugly? {12135}{12186}Let's find out. {12377}{12442}What? You've never seen|a genius's wiener before? {12448}{12501}- No. Never.|- Well, once in the park. {12715}{12762}Since I'm going to be in charge... {12768}{12827}...let me examine my so-called crew. {12833}{12874}If it can so be called. {12880}{12934}First of all, Dr. Zoidberg... {12940}{12993}...do you even have a medical degree? {12999}{13031}I lost it. {13036}{13064}In a volcano. {13070}{13152}And why do we need a bending robot|around here anyway? {13158}{13208}What possible use do we have for you? {13214}{13261}Me no speak-a the English. {13266}{13342}And why does our space pilot|have only one eye? {13348}{13466}There's someone I'd like you to meet.|His name is depth perception. {13472}{13505}Why, you little... {13531}{13598}Wow, that hurt... the air! {13604}{13662}Him pending para un bending. {13668}{13698}Qbert, come in here. {13704}{13751}I'll show you something amazing. {13757}{13807}What is it, a competent employee? {13813}{13876}I doubt that very much. {13892}{13946}The little twerp. {14017}{14106}As my successor, I'm trusting you|to carry on my work. {14111}{14211}These are some of the inventions|you'll spend your life finishing. {14216}{14301}I didn't realize you were the inventor|of the junk heap. {14306}{14364}That's my prizewinning Smell-a-Scope. {14370}{14487}If a dog craps anywhere in the|universe, I won't be out of the loop. {14497}{14571}And this is my universal translator. {14577}{14611}Unfortunately, so far... {14616}{14697}...it only translates into an|incomprehensible dead language. {14703}{14737}- Hello.|- Bonjour. {14743}{14771}Crazy gibberish! {14776}{14898}- Don't you have worthwhile inventions?|- Why, certainly! Step over here. {14910}{14977}These are the dark-matter engines|I invented. {14983}{15096}They allow my starship to travel|between galaxies in mere hours. {15102}{15188}That's impossible. You can't go faster|than the speed of light. {15194}{15313}Of course not. That's why scientists|increased the speed of light in 2208. {15319}{15352}Also impossible. {15358}{15443}And what makes my engines truly|remarkable is the afterburner... {15449}{15511}...which delivers 200-percent|fuel efficiency. {15517}{15561}That's especially impossible. {15566}{15619}Not at all. It's very simple. {15625}{15652}Then explain it. {15658}{15694}Now that's impossible! {15700}{15784}It came to me in a dream|and I forgot it in another dream. {15790}{15882}Your explanations are pure|weapons-grade bologn-ium. {15888}{15927}It's all impossible! {15933}{15996}Nothing's impossible|if you can imagine it. {16002}{16068}That's what being a scientist|is all about. {16074}{16156}No, that's what being|a magical elf is all about. {16261}{16297}Oh, my God! {16303}{16347}It's Elzar, the TV chef! {16353}{16383}Kill me now, people! {16389}{16496}- How we doing here?|- Elzar, everything's so good! {16502}{16544}Are you an ass-kissing machine? {16550}{16588}Yes, sir! Good one, sir! {16594}{16647}It's a gem of an evening. {16653}{16751}I feel so wonderful having someone|to take over my life's work. {16757}{16814}And it's all thanks to Qbert. {16820}{16896}Look, I may be identical to you|in every possible way... {16902}{16968}...but that doesn't mean|I'm anything like you. {16997}{17041}I don't want to be an inventor. {17047}{17121}I want to be something useful,|like a teacher's aide... {17126}{17201}...or a prison guard|or a science-fiction cartoon writer. {17207}{17267}But what about my hopes|and my dreams... {17273}{17333}...and my wonderful inventions? {17339}{17430}In your life, your only half-decent|invention was me. {17434}{17518}And I didn't turn out|like you wanted either. {17605}{17674}- You folks still doing all right?|- Oh, yes, Elzar. {17680}{17733}Turns out I forgot|to cook that chicken. {17866}{17899}Bad news, everyone. {17905}{17978}By the time you Watch this tape,|I'll be gone... {17984}{18098}...leaving behind only a history|of failure and my original hipbones. {18104}{18221}You see, I've been lying about my age.|I'm not actually 150. {18227}{18268}I'm 160. {18274}{18348}Oh, vanity, thy name|is Professor FarnsWorth. {18354}{18406}And noW that I have|nothing to live for... {18411}{18523}...l've alerted the Sunset Squad|robots to take me aWay. {19178}{19251}Goodbye, cruel world! {19283}{19351}Goodbye, cruel lamp. {19376}{19431}Goodbye, cruel velvet drapes... {19436}{19538}...lined with what appears to be|some sort of cruel muslin... {19544}{19613}...and the cute little pompon|curtain pull cords... {19619}{19671}...cruel though they may be... {19748}{19801}And noW that I have|nothing to live for... {19807}{19926}...l've alerted the Sunset Squad|robots to take me aWay. {19966}{20029}I knoW you're all upset,|especially Bender. {20035}{20082}Well, life goes on. {20088}{20131}Except for you! {20153}{20213}I'm sure he's just made|a cutting remark... {20219}{20313}...but he doesn't knoW I taped over|his soap operas to record this. {20319}{20354}You bastard! {20360}{20398}We've got to get him back! {20404}{20476}lmpossible. No one knows|where they take them. {20482}{20508}Nothing's impossible! {20514}{20588}You'd know that if you really|took after him, like I do. {20594}{20658}You're his uncle, dummy.|He takes after you! {20663}{20689}Yeah, well, what? {20694}{20783}Wait a second!|That means I also take after you! {20789}{20842}I think I know how to find him. {20848}{20881}Lay it on us, big boots. {20925}{21023}If this can pick up his odor,|we may have a chance to save him. {21029}{21076}I think not. {21081}{21129}As you probably don't know... {21135}{21251}...odors are made up of particles|that can't travel through space. {21266}{21303}I'm zeroing in on him. {21309}{21342}BENGAY. {21348}{21389}Mothballs! {21395}{21459}Letters to the editor!|It's the professor! {21465}{21511}To the flying machine! {21603}{21662}To the left! No, to the up! {21668}{21697}U-turn! {21703}{21806}We'll never find this place.|Robots are good at keeping secrets. {21812}{21877}No, we're not, you little bed wetter.|Sorry. {21883}{21931}There it is! The Near-Death Star! {22276}{22363}We'll say the professor escaped|and we're bringing him back. {22369}{22431}Fry, dress up like a 160-year-old man. {22436}{22471}I'm on it. {22501}{22529}My God... {22535}{22631}...the illusion is so perfect I almost|forgot I was looking at an idiot! {22637}{22681}They may ask for a DNA sample. {22686}{22737}I'd like to see them find it. {22743}{22847}This plan is impossible. We don't|even have a sample of his DNA. {22853}{22910}I think I know where to get some. {23110}{23158}Why do I have to be the hump? {23164}{23226}Because you're too ugly to be a wart. {23842}{23893}Your Medicare dollars at work. {23916}{23981}Halt! Identify this guest. {23986}{24062}This is Professor Hubert Farnsworth.|He escaped. {24068}{24118}Escaped? No one escapes. {24124}{24183}This guest does not look 160. {24189}{24231}What? I'm old. Listen. {24237}{24296}Hey, you kids! Get off the lawn! {24301}{24398}Old people are often concerned that|there are children on their lawns. {24404}{24516}No denying that. But we'll need to|verify his identity with a DNA sample. {24521}{24570}Got a hot, steaming batch right here. {24600}{24636}We only needed one cell. {24642}{24677}Keep the change, buddy! {24683}{24713}Stupid robot. {24719}{24811}- Did your hump just say something?|- I've got "talking hump syndrome." {24817}{24851}Ah, T.H.S. {24931}{25025}Identity confirmed. Return this|shambling shuffleboarder to his room. {25042}{25086}7152 Maple Drive. {25091}{25144}- Sounds nice.|- Prepare to be surprised. {25453}{25528}So this is where they stick|old people! It's horrific! {25534}{25581}It does keep them from driving. {25933}{25981}Brace yourself for the worst. {26045}{26116}- And yet he looks so natural.|- What's happening? {26122}{26234}He's hooked up to life support.|We have to disconnect him carefully... {26240}{26286}...or the shock could kill him. {26291}{26326}Freeze! {26605}{26648}Seize them! {26654}{26701}Get them! I mean, seize them! {26845}{26911}Oh, I'm so bad at this. {27510}{27566}We'll probably make it,|but we might not! {27571}{27661}- It's impossible! We'll never fit!|- Will too! {27685}{27726}Told you. {27894}{27980}Come on, Leela! Step your big boot|down on the gas pedal! {28326}{28436}- They've blown out one of our engines!|- Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! {28441}{28472}Fix it! Fix it! {28478}{28554}Only the professor knows how.|We have to wake him up. {28661}{28691}Try shocking him! {28696}{28742}Your social security check is late! {28748}{28796}Stuff costs more than it used to! {28802}{28856}Young people use curse words! {28861}{28913}Damn, we'll have to fix it ourselves! {28919}{28956}We can't, you bastard! {28962}{29026}No one knows how it works!|It's impossible! {29031}{29118}Nothing is impossible!|I know how the engines work now. {29124}{29158}It came to me in a dream. {29164}{29218}The engines don't move|the ship at all! {29224}{29324}The ship stays where it is, and the|engines move the universe around it! {29330}{29359}That's a complete load. {29365}{29438}Nothing's a complete load.|Not if you can imagine it. {29444}{29515}That's what being a scientist|is about. Right, professor? {29565}{29594}Let's ride. {29957}{30001}Good neWs, everyone! {30007}{30044}He's completely recovered. {30050}{30078}- All right!|- Yeah. {30084}{30157}I'm as spry as a 140-year-old. {30163}{30218}See? I only broke one ankle. {30224}{30276}What happened to you in the drawer? {30281}{30404}I was hooked up to a bizarre virtual|world that seemed absolutely real. {30417}{30491}- What was it like?|- I was at a facility in Florida... {30497}{30551}...with hundreds of other old people. {30556}{30666}All day we'd play bingo, eat oatmeal|and wait for our children to call. {30677}{30761}It's more horrible than anything|I could imagine. {30767}{30831}Oh, my, yes.|Thank you all for saving me. {30836}{30892}Especially you, my little clone. {30898}{31016}No matter what you decide to do with|your life, I'm still proud of you. {31021}{31071}I've already decided. {31076}{31174}Dad, when I grow up|I want to be just like you. {31180}{31256}Oh, don't worry, son. You will. {31262}{31381}Incidentally, read up on the condition|known as wandering bladder. {31386}{31414}Why? {31420}{31509}No reason. No reason at all. {32352}{32377}Subtitles by|SDI Media Group {32381}{32406}[ENGLISH]